I’ll pour myself a glass of Scotch before I write this one….
WARNING: This is a blow off post… there may be choice words some may not appreciate.
I was losing my mind this week. I was filled with so many emotions that no matter how far I ran in this disgustingly humid yet desert-like heat, I couldn’t arrange my thoughts into comprehension that I was comfortable with.
I felt like I got hit by a rogue wave and the bowl of shiny cherries I had been carrying around with me fell out of my hands and into the sand. The pieces all scattered in the sand or being washed away by the sea, and I couldn’t even find the bowl to put them back in… fuck!!
I could say it was frustration, but my frustration was in layers like a shitty cake.
I could say it was anger, but my anger stemmed from the past and the present and everything in between.
I could say it was confusion, but I was too confused to know why.
I could say it was even a little sadness, but I try to never admit my weaknesses…
So here I was.. losing my fucking mind.
Where do I start… breathe in… breathe out…
As you all know, taking any kind of risk has a certain monetary value. As you can imagine, quitting your job and taking off for months at a time means there is a bit more risk. Unless, of course, you’re blessed with one of those “WFH” jobs that allows you to really “Work from anywhere”… don’t get me started on my jealousy.
I thought I had all my “money” things in line. I had someone living in my place and paying my rent who would also send me my bills as they arrived so I wouldn’t miss any payments, money in my checking account to last me a few months of paying said bills/ traveling/ having some fun, money in my savings account for any emergency that may come about, and cash in my pocket.. My plan was set, but it all revolved around the first piece of the puzzle going down on time before the rest of the puzzle could fit into place.
As you can probably assume from my tantrum, the rent money didn’t come in on the 1st (and still hasn’t).
I, of course, paid my rent on the 1st, when it was DUE.
POOF: $1150 over budget.
I made contact with the individual* a few days ago who sayid they paid the rent and put all the blame on Wells Fargo for not ‘initiating the payment in time’.
They said it should arrive in my account no later than Wednesday..
*Nothing disgusts me more about a human being than one who can’t take responsibility for themselves and their actions..just simply say, “I waited until the last minute to pay the rent so it will be late this month, sorry”.
Puts me to my next money topic, my bills…
The same individual in my apartment was supposed to be sending me my bills as they came in. My routine was that I would receive the email and then I would go online and pay the bill…easy enough.
So why when I went to rent a car the other day to drive to Dubai did my card get declined for non payment!!? I went though the emails, nothing.. I made a 300 dollar payment on the card hoping that the large amount would open the availability of the card up to me sooner… no such luck. Luckily this country is so willing to accommodate they rented me the card without a deposit..
I’m sure my interest rate just went up over that garbage..
I spoke to a friend who agreed to grab my mail once or twice a week to send me my bills so hopefully it won’t happen again…ok, another positive.
So here I was, all week, trying to plan my next move (I have to leave UAE by August 18th because my visa expires, again), and I had almost no fucking play money to buy my plane tickets with and my credit card was being declined due to “missed payment”..so I was dipping into my savings account and giving myself a damn anxiety attack in the process.
Because time is sensitive and the days of waiting last minute to purchase tickets on the cheap are over, I purchased my ticket to Mumbai. I booked accommodation for a few nights there and booked a 11 hour train to Goa because after being on “vacation” the last few months, I decided that I need a fucking coastal party in India to relax these nerves, I also booked my accommodation there (I hope 5 days isn’t too long..or too short..).
All booked, still no rent deposit into my account.
I contact my bank… maybe there is an issue on their side??
NOPE.
Stop. Breathe. Call an Arabic friend because instead of puff, puff, pass, they’re full of positivity, positivity, pass.
My Arabic friend 1. got me to breathe and remember “life is good”, and 2. set me up with his personal driver in India and promised me that this guy would take good care of me.
I called his driver in India who informed me that there is currently a taxi strike in India** , but that he would be sure to pick me up wherever I needed him.
**Looking at you, Ganesh!!*
Ok, a few weeks out are booked, money should deposit any day; why did I still feel like shit?
I called an old lover and friend and confessed that my excitement of traveling alone has dwindled down to anxiety. Confessed that this kind of an adventure that I used to crave and feed off of now feels like such trouble and that I’m feeling all the feels about leaving my family and traveling alone and that every step just feels so daunting all of a sudden. I told him that “giving up” and going home seemed like a better option right now.
He told me, “It’s not giving up if that’s what you want to do, but let’s talk though your other options…”
We did.
I decided to stay….
Today I took a break from the travel planning to spend some quality time playing pretend with my niece and nephew, and then went to the pool to drown in the heat and some crappy teenage book that was left in the house from the previous family that lived here.
I began to feel better…finally.
After the pool I took a hot shower, shaved my legs (it sometimes just makes me feel like a new woman), and jumped back on the computer.
BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.
My productivity came back!! My anxiety dwindled.
I got the paperwork together and applied for my India Visa and I booked myself to stay in India through Ganesh Chaturthi (The festival celebrates Lord Ganesha as the God of New Beginnings and the Remover of Obstacles as well as the god of wisdom and intelligence..If you know me, you’ve seen my home and my tattoo) and then began to forward think from there…
I started to stare at the map… Thailand? Vietnam? Cambodia? Indonesia???
Where will I go next?
Finally, I’m excited again…
This was a hard week…
One Good Globe 